Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
