You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm both gender and math confused
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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