Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
