I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
