So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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