Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
