i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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