If i come over, it means nothing
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
