He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
