I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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