Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
