I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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