I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
