Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize