i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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