He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize