How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
