I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Floor bacon is actually really good
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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