I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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