he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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