Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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