I'm sorry my penis didn't work
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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