I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
