There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
