Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
