I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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