Sponge bath it is.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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