so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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