why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
