distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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