Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
