Will you blow on my dice?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
