the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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