I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
