She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
