I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
