White coat. Heels.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
