You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
