You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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