just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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