I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
