Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
