Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
high people should be assigned attendants
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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