I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
