Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
