see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
