She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
