Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
