See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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