i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
