apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
