What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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