I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize