the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
