Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
