Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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