At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
