your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
