Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
