I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
