I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize