my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize