it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
