I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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