possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize