Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
