I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
