im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
