Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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