he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize