we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
